The Edge

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The squirrel & the Grasshopper!!!!!!!


The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,

building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the

winter. The Grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and

plays the Summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well


The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in

the cold.



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,

building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The

grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the

summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press

conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to

be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the

grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The One News shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering

grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable

warm home with a table laden with food.

The New Zealand papers inform people that they should be ashamed

that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to

suffer so while others have plenty.


The Labour Party, Green Party, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper

Council of New Zealand demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

One News, interrupting a cultural festival special from Ponsonby with

breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall


Michael Cullen rants in an interview with Mark Sainsbury that the

squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for

an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair

share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Auckland city


In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the

Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive

to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as

builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional

fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want

to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to

furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be

socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to

the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his

newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and

start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old

home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who

had hijacked a plane to get to New Zealand as they had to share their

country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the

airport because of New Zealands apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of

hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because

the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned

because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats

devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of

the squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the

council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't

bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.

Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug


The cats seek recompense in the New Zealand courts for their

treatment since arrival in New Zealand.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a

burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but

released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and

supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a

botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10,000,000 and

state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a

drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers

representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are

praised by the government for enriching New Zealand's multicultural

diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to

befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the

press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the

root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic

experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights were

infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice

in New Zealand.


The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the

bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional

percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are

increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will

have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.